Those of us who have been in crisis will understand the desire to step off the Merry-Go-Round of life. It's when every second goes by like it's an hour.
Every second is pain so destructive it takes all hope.
It's the point you convince yourself you are Worthless. Pointless. Needy. Misunderstood.
This is when I've needed what isn't there.
A place of safety, warmth, comfort and love.
Options of MH inpatient or self harm are all there is.
My own experience of mental health services were at times more harming than helpful.
I searched for retreat holidays to escape but cost was always a barrier.
I want to buy a large farm or manor with cottages or outbuildings on land big enough to explore. But in total privacy.
I want different rooms for the soul. A reading room. An art room. A fireside room.
I want a recuperation place to create a personalised interactive welcoming home to stay.
My experience with ptsd has taught me that when we witness or experience something we can't distinguish from your worst nightmare. Nature, kindness, warmth and time help adjust the balance.
Same goes for depression. We can't make it better but we can help it by offering the above.
Why can't we do this?
Cost shouldn't matter and charity would surely be forthcoming given the rising awareness and need for MH awareness and the expected rise within the forces.
Ultimately I didn't want to die, I just didn't want to exist.
I wanted to see a light of hope.
This is my hope.
I want to exist to see change.
